Resistance is Not Failure: What Your Nervous System is Actually Telling You About Your New Habits
There’s a specific moment most people experience a little while after beginning a new health or wellness journey.
It usually appears somewhere in the time between the initial start of something new and the “end” when you feel like the new action or mindset finally becomes a part of your natural, everyday life.
Yep, I’m talking about that infamous moment of resistance.
For some, it shows up as hesitation. For others, it might feel like a creeping sense of dread. And sometimes it’s just the subtle feeling that something is “off,” even though when you think about it, you know you’re technically doing the right thing.
Let’s take a look at what's really going on when we experience that internal pushback.
I encourage you to imagine this with the details of your unique story. Your name, your routines, your goals.
But for now, I’m going to tell you a story about my friend, Anita Napp.
One day, after seeing a short on YouTube of a woman who “changed her life” simply by walking, Anita decides she wants to start a daily walking practice. So she does the research and reads up on all the benefits: More energy, better digestion, mental clarity, the list goes on…
She says to herself, “That’s it! I’m going to start walking tomorrow. Just ten minutes around the block after dinner. Slow and steady wins the race.”
So the next day, she adjusts her schedule, carves out time for herself, and even tries to be more intentional with her energy throughout the day.
And guess what? She actually does take a short walk around the block after dinner!
For the next few days, she sticks to this routine.
She feels a hit of dopamine, pride in herself for her accomplishment, and even some feelings of hope. “I can actually do this,” she thinks. “I’m going to stick to it this time.”
And then… life happens.
She has a busy day pop up at work—after a night of bad sleep, no less—and she skips her walk that day. “No problem,” she thinks. “There’s always tomorrow.”
But then tomorrow comes, and she totally forgot about the kids’ holiday party at school… so she skips her walk again.
A few more days go by, like this. She doesn’t quit her walking routine outright—because she’s not a quitter—but… she also doesn’t really follow it, either.
One morning, she wakes up and debates going for her walk right then, but she hesitates, stalls, and convinces herself that she’ll find time to go later.
Sometimes she just forgets to go, and other times the fatigue she feels is heavier than the effort required to lace up her walking shoes.
Inevitably, the thought creeps in, “Why is this so hard when I really want it?”
Most people interpret this moment as failure.
Like a lack of discipline, a motivation problem, proof that they’re inconsistent, unreliable, or somehow incapable of keeping commitments to themselves.
But the reality is far more nuanced. What Anita is experiencing isn’t a flaw in her character or her willpower. It’s her nervous system doing exactly what it’s designed to do: keep her safe.
The Neuroscience of Identity Protection: To our Brains, Threat to Identity is the same as Threats to Survival…
So why does resistance show up in the first place?
When people hear the word resistance, they tend to imagine something psychological. But resistance is just as much physiological as it is mental.
Your brain has two primary priorities: survival and predictability.
Your routines, coping strategies, and internal narratives don’t just describe who you are; they communicate safety to your nervous system. They tell the flesh and bone part of your body, “This is familiar. This is safe. This is okay to participate in.”
And over time, your unique blend of those two priorities gets bundled together into something we call identity.
Your routines and habits (predictability), plus coping strategies, and internal narratives (survival/safety), don’t just describe who you are; they help your nervous system know what to expect from the world around you so it can keep you safe.
So, when you attempt to change a habit, you’re not just adding a new behavior. You’re directly challenging the nervous system your brain already trusts.
That’s why even positive changes can trigger resistance.
For Anita, walking means slowing down, choosing herself, and subtly shifting the perspective of her identity that she’s carried for years. To the nervous system, that uncertainty is biologically “costly,” and fatigue, distraction, or procrastination is the most energy-efficient way to preserve stability.
So when Anita attempts to practice a new behavior (like a short walk), she isn’t just trying to create a habit. She’s nudging the nervous system into a place it hasn’t yet recognized as safe.
And the resistance that shows up is just the result of her nervous system not understanding and trusting, yet, that the new direction is survivable.
A few nights into her failed routine, Anita texts her friend Marla, who has always been a pragmatic, no-nonsense sort of friend.
“I keep saying I want to walk every night, but I never actually do it. I feel like I’m failing at something so simple.”
Marla responds, as friends sometimes do, with an emoji and some tough love advice:
“Maybe you just need more willpower 🤷🏼♀️”
And that advice, while comforting in its simplicity, doesn’t really land. Because Anita knows she has willpower. She’s built a career, raised a family, taken on enormous responsibilities, and shown up for herself and others in countless ways many times before.
So why does something as simple as walking feel so difficult for her to keep up with?
Resistance Is Not Failure—It’s Information
That night, instead of sinking into frustration and giving in to The Willpower Trap, she uses the clear disagreement she felt with the feedback from her friend and thinks:
“Okay, I know that for some reason, I feel uncomfortable. Almost like I’m fighting… myself?”
Anita leans back against her pillows and closes her eyes for a moment. She notices how tense her shoulders feel, how heavy her legs feel even when she’s sitting still, and the little voice in her head whispering, “You don’t have time for this.”
Then it hits her: these aren’t excuses. They’re her body’s way of speaking up, of asking for a more doable approach.
With that realization, she decides to try something different.
Instead of trying to muscle through, she approaches this new routine like she would anything else, as an experiment:
She lowers the bar. Ten minutes around the block becomes five. A gentle start, just to show her nervous system that walking isn’t threatening. That, in fact, they will survive this!
She pairs movement with comfort cues. Her favorite playlist, supportive shoes, and a clear endpoint make the unfamiliar feel more predictable.
She tracks tiny wins. Even the five-minute walks get noticed. Her nervous system starts updating its internal map: “New behavior—survivable. Safe. Repeatable.”
Within a week, things start to change within Anita.
The hesitation that once felt heavy now feels lighter. Walking isn’t effortless yet, but the dread that used to precede it has softened. She begins to enjoy the crisp evening air, the way her thoughts settle as she moves, the tiny pulse of accomplishment she feels at the day’s end.
What Anita is doing is exactly what science suggests we do when starting a new habit, ritual, or routine: use gentle, consistent exposure to rewire her brain-body system.
It turns out that resistance wasn’t a wall after all—it was a signal, a form of communication from her nervous system saying, “I need more information before I trust this as safe.”
How Real Change Actually Sticks
By asking “What is my nervous system protecting me from right now?” Instead of, “What’s wrong with me?” we can start to gain perspective on a path forward that is clear: not by making huge, life-changing overhauls, but by practicing small, identity-safe experiments.
Anita doesn’t need to walk for thirty minutes every day to develop a daily walking routine. She can start with just two minutes, a simple transition in her day, one small, supportive action instead of a complete movement overhaul.
Each small, supportive action communicates to her nervous system: “This is safe. We can handle this.”
Over time, these small, consistent signals allow the nervous system to expand what it recognizes as safe behavior.
Resistance softens, trust builds, and identity begins to shift—not through force, but through familiarity.
Anita texts Marla again a little while later: “I actually went outside for two minutes. And it… felt fine.”
Marla teases: “Two minutes? That’s it?”
Anita laughs softly: “Yeah, but it’s two minutes more than I could do yesterday. And I think that’s the point. It’s about showing my brain we can do this safely.”
What I want you to take away from this story is that resistance isn’t a flaw in your character or a failure of discipline or willpower.
Resistance is just data.
It tells you where your nervous system needs reassurance, what old patterns it’s holding onto, and how to introduce change in a way that feels truly sustainable.
So next time your nervous system throws up a wave of fatigue, procrastination, or hesitation, try this mental pivot: “This is feedback, not failure. What is my body trying to tell me right now?”
With curiosity, patience, and small, steady steps, resistance becomes a guide, not a judge.
By the time walking becomes a regular part of Anita’s life, her nervous system isn’t just tolerating the change—it trusts it. What once felt like an internal battle now feels neutral… even supportive.
And that’s the reality about lasting change: it doesn’t come from overpowering yourself. It comes from understanding how change actually becomes trusted by the body.
In my wellness coaching practice, this is where I see most people get stuck—not because they’re lazy or unmotivated. But because no one ever taught them how to work with their nervous system instead of against it.
Ready to Go Deeper?
This nervous system work is exactly what we explore inside my course, Identity Lab.
We talk about how to understand your nervous system, decode resistance, and design a path for change that fits your real life.
Inside the course, you’ll learn how to:
Identify where resistance shows up for you
Understand what it’s actually protecting
Build micro-shifts that your system can easily integrate for the long-term
Identity Lab is normally $97, but right now, it’s FREE for the first 26 people.
To get 100% off your enrollment, click here and use the code change100in26 at checkout.
If you’re tired of blaming yourself for patterns that are actually biological, this is how you can start to break the loop.
You don’t need more willpower or discipline.
You need a system that works with who you are, instead of against it.
Here’s to your resistance: may it guide you well.
Until next time,
Brandon Jennings, CWC, CPT, WLS
